Today, my best friend Sharif had helped me say Goodbye to Self limiting beliefs! He was patiently listening to me complain, when at some point I asked, why am I going through all this, this unfair situation and he, God Bless him said something that immediately opened my eyes. His answer was that I was going through all this because I was treating myself unfairly so people just projected that back! Damn that was such a life changing truth!
Since I started my second degree in Law, I have kept beating myself up because I was not the same like others. Yes, I need to understand something in order to remember it, and as English is not my first language, somehow in Law I felt like I did not get everything I was reading or what the professors where saying.
Yes, I struggled but the issue here was that I let it get to me… In this toxic process I lost myself, I started forgetting about my self worth, about how unique I was and that by being a sensible being was not a disadvantage but it was an advantage of being me! There’s nothing wrong with being into law and at the same time being into spirituality, life, body language, energy and understanding universal laws.
However, I thought otherwise at the time. I believed that these were not regarded as advantages or things I should be proud off because well I was not like my colleges. And damn how wrong was I?!
Since January I started on this downfall path, I forgot to love myself, I started blaming myself for everything that went wrong, for not being able to study and remember my lectures as fast as my class mates, for being shy and for everything really!
In June, the chaos began, I moved flats, don’t get me wrong the flat is amazing but that’s also when the issues have started appearing with the neighbour, the agency and soon exams added to all that stress too… All of a sudden I started breaking down, having a few panic attacks and anxiety every day and night and I was treated unfairly by everyone in my building, the staff…
Today, on 17-18th October I realised why this happened to me… Because I attracted it… I basically did this to myself so why wouldn’t others treat me like that too?!
Ahhhh… this beautiful being that I am (and ofcourse you should see yourself as beautiful and unique too) has been through soooo much… I disrespected, criticised, ignored myself along with all my wants and needs and I have tried to basically replace every inch of my being with someone I only thought I wanted and had to be like…
Beautiful readers, don’t fall in the same trap that I did! Because for me, the last 6 months have been chaotic, a nightmare, exhausting and very depressing! However, I now affirm that I take my power back! I own my uniqueness and if anyone doesn’t like it, well…that’s life!
From now on, I am loving, respecting and having patience with myself. I may take longer than others in some areas such as remembering by hard but I can be faster in other areas. The main point is that you need to be careful not to fall into this trap, cause once you do, it will be so difficult to get up! You’ll be like me, dependent on pills, cause I have Anemia, pills to help you sleep, sprays to calm your anxiety and so on and so forth….
Throughout this journey, I have lost my strong, ‘I don’t give a fuck about what others think of me’ attitude. I haven’t enjoyed looking at the reflection of myself in the mirror for the last couple of months! Horrible! Never do that! It’s not worth taking your beautiful, magnificent, divine being through all that hurt and disgrace just because of anyones opinion of what successful something or someone should look like!
I almost lost myself…. Yes, I have forgotten who I was until today… God, how relieving this feels, as if I lost 100 pounds of weight in a few minutes… I keep shaking my head as I write this article as I can’t believe how rough I was on myself, I made myself go through all that pain! It was not easy and I can’t promise that I wont ever have days where I am down but I will never ever forget how good it feels to accept yourself the way you are!
No one defines me but my actions! And no one defines you but your actions! I hope that by sharing my truth with you, it will help you become more aware and not fall into the same sh*t I did! Because take my word for it, it’s frightening not knowing if you’ll ever be able to get back on your feet and feel happy again! It scared the sh*t out of me, not knowing if I can be able to handle it and not fall into a deep depression as lately all I did was cry, have panic attacks, have anxiety, be sad, feel miserable, fat, ugly, unlovable, socially awkward.. and the list goes on…
However, Now I realised that LOVING YOURSELF is Crucial if you want to survive in this world full of lost, busy, depressed souls and sick bodies…
Dear reader, Love yourself! Love your fuc*ing body, your fears, your life! Take everything with a pinch of sugar! Look up, pray and know that God is there with you, for you, by you, protecting and guiding you!
Thank you to my neighbour, Ermal and Holly for making my life miserable! As this way you helped me identify this toxic habit, and that of killing my true self, and disregarding my true being! I can’t say I didn’t wish you bad.and ohhh how I did, on all those days I had a meltdown because of all the injustice, but now I take all that back and I thank you! Because of the way you acted and made me feel, you have pushed me to a place where I was feeling so low and scared that I actually started looking for answers! Now it all makes sense! God is amazing🙏🏼🤧